Another small step…

I held a baby yesterday. This wasn’t a small step – it was a big one. I’ve wondered a few times since Drey died if I’d ever be able to hold a baby again. Well last night my question was answered. I didn’t have much choice in the matter really. A mom friend was doing multiple things and handed me baby Sophie. It happened so quickly I had no time to think it through. I just did what comes naturally for a mom. Sophie was on my hip and I was immediately swaying.

My thoughts dashed between “Doesn’t my mom friend know I failed to keep my son alive? What’s she thinking giving me her sweet little baby to hold?” To “Oh my dear God, please, I don’t want to cry. Please keep my precious memories of Drey as a baby stuffed safely away far from the surface.”

In the end I did okay. When I gave Sophie back to her mom Sophie gave me a sweet little smile revealing just a few front baby teeth. I accepted that smile as a little gift from God and remembered to thank Him.

5 thoughts on “Another small step…

  1. I’m laying in bed, feeling irritated, anxious, even sorry for myself. I read this and BURST into tears until my pillow was wet. God has me praying for you this morning instead of feeling sorry for myself. I like that plan better. Know that you are being lifted up right now

  2. I got out of bed and scrubbed out the toilet. But can’t stop praying/ tearing up. So make of that what you will… Maybe God is trying to tell one of us something! I’ll let you know if I feel he gives me anything specific for you.

  3. All of life, the good and the bad, is really about small steps, small decisions that later on become big ones. I’m glad you got this step thrust upon you. You are a good woman, a good mom, a good friend, a good and faithful servant of the Lord. Thanks, again, for blessing me with your vulnerability. Your openness helps me find strength this morning in facing my own hard steps.

  4. YES, HOLDING A BABY, GOD CONTINUES TO REFINE AND HEAL US EVEN WITH THAT….BLESS YOU TAKING THAT SMILE AND HIS GIFT! AWESOME! I LOVE YOU.

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