It’s hard when someone dies by suicide. And when it’s a celebrity it hurts because of the hard and often times hateful things that are said. “You can’t rest in peace if you killed yourself.” “Suicide is the most cowardly, selfish thing anyone could do.” And so on. So many of us are suddenly so self righteous and in a position to judge others motives and state where they are eternally. How did we get that power, that knowledge?
For me personally it’s yet another aspect of learning to live with my sons suicide. The scab ripping off from the little bit of “healing” as the comments and social media frenzy ensues.
It’s hard because I want to defend my son and others who make this dreadful choice.
It’s hard because it’s not fair for us to judge motives or where someone will spend eternity.
Do we believe our sins aren’t as wrong? Aren’t as offensive to our perfect God? And that He judges on a sliding scale? The top 10% get to go to heaven?
On God’s sliding scale do some of these keep us out of heaven while others “aren’t that bad?”
When you overreacted with harsh words.
When you were a toddler and ripped that toy out of your little sisters hands.
When you were jealous of your friend.
When you killed yourself because you were mentally ill.
When you killed yourself even though you weren’t mentally ill.
When you refused to forgive the co-worker who talked about you behind your back.
When you stole that candy bar.
When you said that hateful thing.
When you thought that hateful thing.
When you got that abortion.
When you avoided eye contact with your neighbor because a conversation would’ve disrupted your personal peace.
When you fantasized about your married co-worker.
When you got high.
When you got drunk.
When you gossiped and called it “praying for your struggling friend.”
When you lied to your parents about where you were going.
When you called that stranger “dumb ass” on Facebook in response to their rude comment about Robin Williams death. (Even though it still feels damn good that you said it!)
Or do we become self righteous and judge because we can’t believe in God’s love and mercy that He did ALL the work Himself to give us an eternal relationship with Him? There’s NOTHING for us to do to “earn” our way into heaven except acknowledge – confess – we are sinful and He came Himself – in the form of a human being – to live perfectly, to die unfairly, and to be resurrected FOR US. He overcame death for us.
Do I believe suicide is wrong? Absolutely. Do I believe all sin is wrong? Absolutely.
James 2:10 “for whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it.”
Romans 3:23 “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
Ephesians 2:8,9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
I don’t know… It’s hard to get my mind around. Why would God love my son enough to die for him? He knew Drey was going to kill himself – it didn’t take God by surprise. He loves Drey that much? He loves me that much? I can’t wrap my finite, judgmental, human mind around it. It takes faith… Not blind wishing, fingers-crossed, “I sure hope it’s true” faith. But genuine biblical faith – something only God can provide.
May I post this to FB and to our local SOSL web site? This is amazing and brings me so much peace. You keep at it Denise, God is surely using you!!!
Charlotte of course! Please share!
God is so good even in our pain.
Thank you for your encouragement ❤️
YES… God surely is using you…I am so grateful for this post too…for this prospective and at this time…..thank you…love you….
I was terribly upset for all the flashbacks these comments brought to me as I listened to mindless chatter by radio heads condemning and judging Robin Williams or anyone who has died by suicide. Then….I remembered the TRUTH and my mind settled down again to the LOVE of God who did know our sons would die and how…what day, the color of their eyes…the number of hairs on their heads….Who has them now in His awesome arms.
I believe those of us left behind in the wake of this kind of death have a mission to educate the masses about the causes of suicide, as much as we can, and to know the love and grace of God. We cannot let our sons’ deaths go in vain. I know your words have comforted me and I hope that if you have read my blog that mine has been helpful as well. If people would only educate themselves about suicide and depression!! If people could only keep their ignorance to themselves. If only……..
God bless you and Drew.
I was going to write a whole post on this very thing but you have done it so well that I would like to reblog your if I may. ❤
Thank you for sharing your heart. You are an encouragement to me.
Reblogged this on In the Wake of Suicide….trying to understand and commented:
While I was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital nearly all of yesterday, as my middle child was in surgery, I could not escape the constant television reports on Robin Williams death. I felt like running and screaming as people all around me had something to say to those around them about it. My ears picked up on every word like a radar. Things like “I wouldn’t want to kill myself cause I wanna go to Heaven.”….or, “He had it all and look what that gets you…” etc….terrible condemnations from pure ignorance. It put my already exhausted mind into a feeding frenzy of these mindless sharks. I had to get up and go to the bathroom to hide my tears. I felt like the words the waiting room people spoke were indictments against my very own son. How dare they?
I go to bed at night with the radio playing talk radio because I still cannot sleep very well. It is a white noise, so to speak, that gives my mind some rest…..sometimes. Those who called into the nightly program were also very disturbing….again, very judgmental people. I had to turn the station so as not to be bombarded with something to which I could not respond. My heart rate going berserk…my mind in terrible sadness….my blood pressure zooming upward. I am suffering in this for the rest of my days and there is no end because my son is not here with me, because of how he died, because the world is ugly, because there will always be celebrities who die this way, too, and here we go again…………..
I reposted along with this guest blog one from my archives on the mental illness of comedians and creativity.
God already died for our sins – He does not judge our sadness and depression as the world does. He loves us. His ultimate intention is to redeem all of creation to Himself. The nonsense people spout comes from not understanding the depth and height and width of God’s love.
Hi Susan. Just re-reading a few of my blog exchanges and wanted to thank you for your message and wish you a Merry Christmas.
Oh, you too, Denise. May His face shine upon you with favor and blessings.
There are more people now that truly understand than ever before.
My condolences on your loss. My father suicided when I was eight. I can’t imagine how I’d grieve the loss of a child, but consider my comment a reminder that you are not alone.
Thanks Andy. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. Thank you for the reminder about not being alone!
Thanks, and you’re welcome. 🙂