20 short years ago

Drey 1st pic with Mom

Drey 1st pic with Mom

The emptiness is back. Who am I kidding… it never really left. It was more tolerable. But I knew July and August were coming. I knew it. And yet I didn’t know. And now I’m here and I know.

Can’t you distract yourself? Think of something else. Drink a little – or a lot. Go shopping. Dive into a project. Jump back into your career. Exercise and get your body uber-healthy.

These are all good things in the right dosage. But they don’t make a lasting dent in this grief.

Losing your child is gut wrenching.
Losing someone violently is hideous, surreal.
Losing someone because they chose to die is agonizing.
All three together in one day, in one instant, is simply not survivable apart from God.

July 10, 1993 I woke up in labor at 7:20 a.m. Mom’s remember these things. My pains weren’t too intense and were about an hour apart. But I knew. He wasn’t born until nearly 26 hours later. He always was a stubborn little shit. He got that from his Dad.

I love you. I remember you. I miss you.

5 thoughts on “20 short years ago

  1. My dear friend,
    I rarely have the right words – for now just prayers, tears, support and love for you Fred, Robbie and Kris for the next 26 hours, 29 days, and the many years beyond.

  2. Praying for you again. I didn’t realize until now that he and I have the same birthday. Praying that the Holy Spirit can pray the right words for me because this is bigger than I know how to pray.

  3. My sweet friend:

    There are no words I can offer that will quell the pain..there will never be a hug long enough that the will calm the tears and I pray to never know the agony and hurts that courses through your every fiber. What I can offer is all I have and all I am and all my lobe and prayers. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of you andrRobbie, drey, and Fred and Kris.

    Much love and prayers,

  4. As I sat at my desk today I wrote myself a note to look in my bible tonight. In it I keep Drey’s memorial card as a reminder to always think of you all when I pray. I couldn’t remember Drey’s birthday but knew it was there….you are in my prayers today, tomorrow….and all the days ahead.
    Love you – hug!

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