I do not like you August 1. I do not like you August 2.

I know your lies and I can see right through.

“Everyone moved on with their life.”

“You’re all alone in the ache.”

My love, my dude, my flesh and blood.

A decade gone or a century. No matter you are still my heart.

God gave me you. Before you, I never knew it was possible to love like this.

August 3, 4 and 5. Those unknown goodbyes.

Baby I was always right here. You knew that.

I believe that now. The lies have lost their power.

No judgement. No disparaging words. As close to unconditional love I’d ever known.

No hoops to earn it. It was just there for the taking.

August 6 – that last simple, uneventful phone call.

Then those next two days – your last two days – that my fingers won’t let me name.

Too much. Too loud. Too tight. Don’t touch me. Get away from me. Get it off of me. It won’t let go. It won’t stop.

These days mean nothing… they are just to be pushed through in solitude.

I will not relive them. I will laugh without fear of the future.

Your life is not defined by these nameless days. If I could, I’d simply strike them from the calendar.

You shouldn’t have left. You believed the lies. So much pain.

But I imagine the truth of what I can’t yet see.

You ran into His open arms. He wiped away the tears. He held you tight.

God You are still so good and I will run to You with my joy and my pain.

You never forget and You never tire of my tears, confusion, or self-striving.

Oh the freedom of living with a looser and looser grip on this side of heaven!

Thank you Jesus, Thank you God.